• aatherapistofct

Being Single in a Pandemic

Updated: Mar 23, 2021

“You’re too pretty to be single.”

Is easily the most condescending COMMENT…because it's not a compliment… I’ve ever heard. Why is that being single is treated as a flaw? Like it’s a problem? Like we are going without? Because someone is pretty, should they have a partner? Do you think that completes them? Help me understand, make it make sense. Sure speaking as one black female single female from my own experiences…we get the freedom. We get to come and go as we please, no one to answer to. No expectations. Right? What about the stuff we don’t talk about? Let’s take it there. What about the busy day at work and no one asking you how your day went? No one to check in on you just to see if you are okay? Picture yourself in a pandemic (lol) and places where you normally meet people and socialize are closed. So now if you don’t have plans with girlfriends, you’re in the house alone. I’m cool with the silence; I have learned to appreciate the time alone but that doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely.

Being single you aren’t really connected to anyone, a few meaningless conversations with people on social media, and then what? Do you ever wonder if this is it? If you’ll be alone for the rest of your life? Are you going to be the “cool aunt” that doesn’t have kids or the single mom who everyone asks if you’re ever going to get married or give your child a sibling? (Like can you relax I don’t even have a partner how can I give this kid a sibling?) Do you hear songs and it takes you back to old memories? Do you ever consider going back to an unhealthy situation to avoid loneliness? Do you really know how to be alone? Do you get on social media and look at the relationships and almost feel jealous not of the relationship but just the companionship and connection? Do you listen to sad music to make you feel sadder? GIRL. It has its perks and its flaws but take it one day at a time.

Do what works best for you, grab a book, go for a walk, journal, listen to an audiobook or a podcast. Get your nails done, try something new in the kitchen. Search for different ways to cope. Take things one day at a time. Acknowledge the loneliness but don’t sit in it, if we sit we cant move. Even a flower has rough days but the sun will shine tomorrow and it’ll continue to grow. Love yourself. “If you plant your own seeds, you never have to worry about somebody giving you your flowers.”

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